Finally reach an age when I need to count “accepted rejections and rejected acceptance” with both hands. It seems to be the time to reflect and learn something about myself. But when I do, I find that my thoughts do not amount to much, so I have to borrow some of my experience with friends and colleagues, particularly those whose companies I thoroughly enjoyed.
I am, for sure, not the romantic type. Even though I occasionally enjoy romantic movies, such as The Time Traveler’s Wife or The Adjustment Bureau, I’d rather to be mistaken being insensitive than to be mistaken being sentimental.
I like the idea of “love at the first sight”, but experiences reinforces the opposite “appearance could be deceiving”. Speed-reading people is a great technique and to be mastered, but for long term commitment, things have to happen slowly. Experiences on friendship tells me that one year is the minimum to know enough about a person.
Both friendship-wise or relationship-wise, I am attracted to passionate people, people with strong character, and people with deep personal convictions and strong opinions about the world. Perhaps through them, I see myself, or my future self. The meek and the mild are nice to be around but uninteresting (to quote Churchill on this, they have “all the virtues I dislike and none of the vices I admire”). I’d rather accommodate ego than suffer fools. On this note, I find myself, as I grow, more and more certain about certain things, sometimes as a result of experiences and self-reflection, sometimes just as a result of being self-aware of my innate preferences.
As a result of my profession, I value intelligence, imagination, independence, and industry, so I enjoy being around people sharing the same values. As a result of my upbringing, I enjoy either being around a lot of people or being alone, which seems to be a problem, relationship-wise.
“Working on a relationship” is an oxymoron to me. One cannot work on love without being manipulative or feeling evil. It has to flow naturally.
A good friend said that “being at the right time and at the right place is not enough; both persons have to be ready.” And I agree with him.